Thankful Thursday
October 11, 2003. I was nineteen and drunk. In a haze of loud music and swirling bodies, I came to the conclusion that I really loved the boy I was standing next to, and I decided to tell him. With a light laugh and an ecstatic smile, I grabbed him by the arm and we quickly walked outside to lean against the building and kiss. People were walking by, so we ran to the back of the building.
Six weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I'd had a suspicion -- no, I'd known. I'd known the instant it happened. I just didn't want to believe it was possible.
Neither did he. A week after I told him, he disappeared. Gone. Didn't answer my phone calls. I didn't have an address for him because he was in the Marine Corps for training, moving around, and since I talked to him every night on the phone for hours, I didn't really think an address was all that necessary. I called his mom, but she wouldn't talk to me.
A month later I found out he was home on leave. I called his mom's house and threw a raging pregnant fit on the phone, cursing her out for not letting me talk to him. She conceded. He got on the phone and agreed to a meeting.
At the meeting he told me he wasn't interested in being with me, he wasn't interested in being dad.
I'm thankful that at that pivotal moment in my life, barely four weeks after my best friend died of a heart attack, I made the right decision. I made the decision that an abortion was out of the question (boy, did he look crushed). I made the decision to not seek adoption. I made the decision that I was going to do right by my unborn child.
And I have.
I don't regret a single moment. Well, I lie. I regret the countless nights that I spent crying myself to sleep over
him. He was never worth it. Too bad it took me nearly two years to figure that out.
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Thankful Thursday hosted by Lois at Life is Just a Stitch in Time.
Labels: thankful thursday
posted by Jen at
9:18 AM
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9 Comments
9 Comments:
Doing the right thing isn't always easy, Jen. Actually most of the time it's the hardest thing to do of all the options presented. I'm just glad an abortion was out of the question-from and adoptee :)
31 January, 2008 10:29
You are awesome. What a sweet baby boy you have. I applaud you for making the right choice for YOU and sticking with it.
31 January, 2008 10:35
You ARE awesome! And he is one tough looking ~ that is a compliment ~ and cute little dude!
31 January, 2008 12:27
Jen, That is an absolutely beautiful post. You have every right to be not only thankful, but also proud. I, too, was a single mom for 5 years of my son's life. The best thing I did by my son was to never acknowledge his birth father on any records. He now has a real dad, one that loves him as his own. And isn't it fun, when once in awhile we have a chance to be just the two of us again and get all those memories of our past...those are some of my favorite times with my son. Congrats on your beautiful boy, and for doing what you knew was right.
31 January, 2008 13:39
Jen, this is a beautiful post!! You definitely have something to be grateful for ...he is adorable!!
31 January, 2008 14:42
He is just beautiful. Life altering decisions are never easy. I am proud of you doing what you thought was right for you. Go with your gut. Check out my blog in the days to come and you will see what I mean.
Big hus and for that little boy, give him a kiss for me.
Lois
31 January, 2008 17:08
You have a beautiful son and he has a brilliant mother.
31 January, 2008 17:27
What a breath of fresh air you are. A remarkable story. He is a precious baby boy with a wonderful Mommy
31 January, 2008 18:04
Terrific post! Your son is gorgeous and you, well, you are strong and courageous and brave and all of the best things that a mother must be.
Feel free to reread that above sentence when you are tired and broke and hormonal and your gorgeous son is on your last nerve...lol.
01 February, 2008 11:06
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