What is it with children and smearing noxious substances all around? If DHS were to visit me today, they'd probably think I'm a bad mother. I've got flour and cinnamon roll filling smeared on the counter, Kai's vitamin supplement was poured all over our wood dining room floor by the kids (yeah, in all the cracks, too. awesome), the stove top isn't clean, Nate shat in the living room, then shat all up and down the stairs, Sammi threw her cereal all over the floor, the playroom looks like it was hit by a tornado, and I'm in the corner, curled up, biting my fingernails. Or I have my hands over my ears with my eyes shut. Whichever image makes you think of desperation more.

No. I'm not a bad mother. I'm just no longer good at being a single mother. With Nate, it was easier (but still harder than a two-parent family) because he couldn't get into everything! I'd babyproofed the apartment and he wasn't able to climb onto counters and knock over baby gates. I didn't even have Sammi back in those far away days. Now I feel like I'm being knocked over by a damn semi-truck, and all I do all day long is go room to room picking up the latest mess. I'm being hit, hard, by the mommy blues. I think I've yelled more in the past three days then I've ever yelled at them before.

If you gave me another week or two, I'd probably be used to it, and have everything under control.

Thank goodness I won't have to handle that. Aaron comes back from out of town on Thursday night or Friday morning (he left on Sunday). If I can just make it until then....

And somehow, I've got to get this place picked up before he gets back, or he'll really think I'm incompetent. Which I may be. But I don't want him to think that.

Labels: random