One of my best supporters since I found out I was pregnant with Nate has been my Aunt Brenda. Over the past four years, she has been there for me when I thought I was losing it and needed some time away, when I had military obligations, when I had work obligations, when I went on vacation, and even more. She has selflessly offered to watch my children (with her now ex- helping a considerable amount) and has showered them with love and attention. In fact, she and my mother-in-law will be watching my children while Aaron and I are on our honeymoon on St. Lucia.

Not only has she been there to watch my children, but she's been there as a support for me. She has sent me numerous e-mails telling me that I am doing my best, I'm a good mother, and I need to stop worrying. She has talked to me on the phone, hugged me, offered me money and food. (Which I've partaken from on several occassions.) She's allowed me to stay in her (and her ex's) home while I'm in town (as she lives two hours away from me) multiple times.

I've appreciated it every step of the way. She's been there without question, unhesitatingly.

She's also been going through her own trials. She finished college (she went to school in her mid 30s, I believe), got a new job, underwent surgery, lost more than one hundred pounds (I'm thinking more than two hundred, but what do I know?), underwent some financial changes, and many other events. Yet she has still been there for me.

I just want to give her a heartfelt, "Thank you." I never forgot or took you for granted. I'm so grateful for your help and assistance, and I hope that I can be there for you in any way, as you were there for me.

Thank you Julie at Another Chance Ranch.

Labels: mommy blogging, thankful thursday

Going on with my theme of people I am thankful for, I thought I would talk about my grandma on my mom's side. Growing up in my house wasn't always the easiest thing with an alcoholic father and an emotionally unstable mother. It was even harder when they divorced the summer before I went into high school. (Don't worry, this isn't an "oh pity me" post.) There were times I felt abandoned or neglected, and definitely insecure. Luckily, my grandma was always there for me if I needed someone to talk to or lean on. She unconditionally loved me, which is something that I really needed in that time of my life (and now!).

I can remember when I was in basic training and I wasn't performing well on the PT test. I had never been a physically active person, and I had troubles meeting the run times necessary to pass. I called back and told my grandma that if I didn't pass this test, they were going to make me stay back and I was going to have to do basic training all over again. I'd fail. I asked her if she would still love me if I was a failure. She just laughed softly and told me she'd love me no matter what happened, and that it wasn't important to her if I passed or not. It's hard to describe the despair I was feeling at that time with out launching into a huge, long story, but my grandma helped lift that for me.

When I found out I was pregnant with my son, my grandparents never said anything negative to me. They were supportive, and happy for me. I was sitting at their house, six weeks pregnant, when I realized that Bryan wasn't going to call me back. That he was gone, for good, without even a word. I remember curling up on the couch and denying it, "No, Grandma, I'm sure he'll call. I know it's been a week. But he's been really busy with the Marines. I know he's coming home for Thanksgiving, and he'll call me. He will." I remember later that night, crying myself to sleep, when I realized he wasn't going to call.

When I told them I was pregnant with my daughter, they had such joy on their face. They didn't consider my kids a burden. They considered them a gift, as I do. So many people have that look flit across their face. "You're too young, you don't make enough money, you shouldn't have kids, you aren't married, you have no idea what you are doing, you are irresponsible." My grandparents never looked at me like that. They were just happy for me.

I'm extremely thankful that I've had my grandma, and my grandpa, on my side. I'm grateful that they love me, unconditionally. I'm thankful for all the times they've been there for me, particularly my grandmother. I'm thankful for the days she'd take me to the library, on my whim, so I could get more books. I'm thankful for the times she let me run over from her house to my "boyfriend's" house when I was in middle school. I'm thankful that she taught me to drive at the tender young age of... oh... eight?

Now, I live far away from them (four hours driving), and don't get to see them nearly as often as I'd like. I talk to my grandma two or more times a week on the phone, and chat with grandpa as well. They give me comfort and help relieve my stress. They give me advice and help me to realize my priorities. I love you Grandma. I love you Grandpa. Thank you.

Labels: thankful thursday

It wasn't a stretch to figure out who I am thankful for today. When I met Aaron two and a half years ago, he told me about his large family and I knew I was in trouble. They are nearly all devout Catholics (which impresses me) with a strong sense of right and wrong, who came from small town Iowa. I had a kid. Out of wedlock.

Wanda was probably not happy with her son's choice, but she never once treated me inferior. She welcomed me, talked to me, hugged me, and more important than anything else, she accepted Nate. Ironically, I can't seem to find any pictures of her and Nate in my very cursory search, although I know I have them. She's never treated him any different, as far as love, than she has Sammi. That has meant so much to me, and so much to my son.

Wanda is slow to temper, patient, and very nice. She has inspired me to be a better woman, mother, and (soon-to-be) wife. She has come to be like a second mother to me (but one I tell inappropriate things to, and then blush because I really shouldn't have said that).

I'm thankful for her presence, but I'm also thankful for the things she has done for Aaron and I. She watches the children for about twelve hours a week so I can go in to school and take classes and work in the lab. She does this for free, and doesn't complain. She is helping us to pay for our wedding, and completely paying for the reception, because she knows we don't have the money and my parents don't either. She wants what is best for her son, and she acts on it.

I find that admirable. I find her admirable.

Plus, she's just too dang beautiful. She's always dressed nice with great accessories, and I'm normally in ratty old jeans and a threadbare t-shirt. I'm like the ugly step-daughter to her put together beautiful lady.


Wanda and Sammi the day Sammi was born.


Wanda and Sammi at Sammi's first birthday. (Check it out - she had no hair! Sammi, that is.)

Thank you, Wanda.

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See list of other participants here.

Labels: thankful thursday

Today, I am thankful that I live in a country where access to water is as simple as turning on a faucet. I'm thankful that I live in a country that has so much food production, that many people have the ability to become obese, although I'm not thankful that many of us are. I'm thankful that I have shelter and warmth when storms rage across the country.

I'm thankful that I have all of these things, and I'm thankful that I don't take it for granted.

Labels: thankful thursday

October 11, 2003. I was nineteen and drunk. In a haze of loud music and swirling bodies, I came to the conclusion that I really loved the boy I was standing next to, and I decided to tell him. With a light laugh and an ecstatic smile, I grabbed him by the arm and we quickly walked outside to lean against the building and kiss. People were walking by, so we ran to the back of the building.

Six weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I'd had a suspicion -- no, I'd known. I'd known the instant it happened. I just didn't want to believe it was possible.

Neither did he. A week after I told him, he disappeared. Gone. Didn't answer my phone calls. I didn't have an address for him because he was in the Marine Corps for training, moving around, and since I talked to him every night on the phone for hours, I didn't really think an address was all that necessary. I called his mom, but she wouldn't talk to me.

A month later I found out he was home on leave. I called his mom's house and threw a raging pregnant fit on the phone, cursing her out for not letting me talk to him. She conceded. He got on the phone and agreed to a meeting.

At the meeting he told me he wasn't interested in being with me, he wasn't interested in being dad.

I'm thankful that at that pivotal moment in my life, barely four weeks after my best friend died of a heart attack, I made the right decision. I made the decision that an abortion was out of the question (boy, did he look crushed). I made the decision to not seek adoption. I made the decision that I was going to do right by my unborn child.

And I have.



I don't regret a single moment. Well, I lie. I regret the countless nights that I spent crying myself to sleep over
him. He was never worth it. Too bad it took me nearly two years to figure that out.

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Thankful Thursday hosted by Lois at Life is Just a Stitch in Time.

Labels: thankful thursday

Another Chance Ranch is hosting Thankful Thursday.

I have so many things to be thankful for that it is hard for me to think of just one on this first attempt of mine to join Thankful Thursday. Nate seems to be mostly potty trained now. He takes off his diaper and pants in the morning by himself to go potty, then goes potty throughout the day on the chair with few accidents. That's certainly something in which I'm thankful.

I started this school semester yesterday by my first day working in the psychology lab. The opportunity to work in this lab certainly makes me thankful. It's experience I need to look better to graduate schools, and I'm working with a truly talented professor.

Mostly, though, I'd say I'm thankful for Aaron. He is aware of my neuroses and helps me to either overcome them or deal with them in daily life. He accepts my oddities, and doesn't tease me or make fun of me for them. His eyes light up when he sees me, he laughs at my (crappy) jokes, and he doesn't mind that I don't wear makeup or shop for fancy clothes. He makes my life more fulfilled and complete. He amps the amplitude of my life.

I'm also grateful for two nut chocolate chip cookies. Wow. So good. Maybe I'll post the recipe tomorrow. Or, I can talk about those oddities and neuroses. Hmm. Something to think about.

Labels: thankful thursday